In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
