i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
