someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
