and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you would pick up someone in the library
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
