there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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