You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
