Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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