I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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