Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
