Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
