I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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