I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
