Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
