no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
