i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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