Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
