Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
