I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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