So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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