he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
