Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
