i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
