what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
