I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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