then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
