I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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