I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
