A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
