just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
