God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm at about main and main street
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
