I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
