Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
