We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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