somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
