i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
