this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
