that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
