ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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