3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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