how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
