i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
