There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i think my tv is drunk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
