i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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