nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
