so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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