She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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