Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
