it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
