he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
