to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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